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An open letter to John Mellencamp

Dear Sir:
We, the undersigned and the rest of Harrison County, or at least those who like classic rock and want to party, would appreciate your taking a moment to read our heartfelt plea as expressed in the following letter.
Our Bicentennial Year is upon us and we are duly noting this event with celebrations of various sorts that honor all the usual aspects of life in Indiana. So far, all has gone well, except for the repeated longing expressed at nearly every organizational meeting that you would consent to perform in some fashion during our birthday year, 2008. We are even willing to venture into 2009 with a ‘One to Grow On’ type justification if need be.
The committee, such as it is, has not been shy in its attempt to woo you down here. We have sent letters. We mailed you at least one good novel since we know you are a devout reader and like a good book. If you haven’t finished ‘The Polish Officer’ by Alan Furst, that is OK; we know you are busy.
A list titled ‘200 Reasons for Performing for the Corydon Bicentennial’ was beautifully thought out and hand delivered. The entire list cannot and should not be recreated here, but we hope you weren’t offended by No. 103, which was our offer to clean your gutters, or No. 145, which was our offer to include you in our local chapter of ‘Graceful Aging in a Post-’60s World.’ The offer of ‘free haircuts’ for all band members still stands! (see No. 148)
The kick-off ball in January was an unqualified success. Our ceremonial event planned for the downtown historic site on June 7 is approaching, and we are all looking forward to that with anticipation. The Fourth of July parade is gearing up to be an entertaining one with limited environmental impact: few motorized vehicles and no noise pollution from blaring sirens. We know these are issues close to your heart. If you want, we can have a long line of Chevy trucks with your theme song playing non-stop. Also, your visual art talents cannot be overlooked. Would you rather have an art event of that order? Admittedly, we would like some musical accompaniment, too, but will not hang our heads in disappointment for too long.
Halloween will be a total fright, and Christmas will be both a spiritual event and a blast literally, with a show of fireworks downtown. Can you see yourself as part of this whole she-bang in one way or another? We hope so, and we will make it work with lots of effort and money when needed.
We really need another Hoosier icon to perform for an adoring public here in Corydon. The last big to-do was Porter Wagoner and Dolly Parton at the Harrison County Fair ‘ and they weren’t even from Indiana!
Of course, whatever you decide, we will react accordingly in a manner befitting our integrity and class. However, if we receive a negative response, rest assured that you will NOT be invited to the 2108 Tricentennial Celebration, and the time capsule will not have a copy of ‘Cherry Bomb’ as promised on the list at No. 23.
Yours truly,
The Bicentennial Birthday Committee of Corydon