Posted on

‘Whatever you say, Old Pal, is best, is best?’

Dear George,
How are you? Fine I hope. As for me, I am just fine. It’s been raining here for several days. Sure has messed up my mushroom hunting.
Now, Mr. President, I hate to say it, but we need to talk. I’m sure that when you pull ‘Air Force One’ into a gas station for a fill up, you don’t have to get your wallet out and pay for it yourself. So you probably have no idea what’s going on with the gas prices. Especially here in Southern Indiana. But make no mistake about it George, when I pull ‘Jeep One’ into a gas station, Ol’ Lee himself pays the bill, and that bill is getting a little bigger than the contents of my wallet.
Now, I tell all my buddies that you have no control over that sort of thing, that it’s all market driven; I’ve heard you say that many times. But we’re buying the stuff just as fast as we can. How much better do they want the market to be? Now I know that you have to tell a whopper every now and then, but I think you ought to level with us on this one, Ol’ Buddy.
And I heard you say in a speech the other day that, ‘I am the decider, and I decide what’s best.’ I’m not real sure why $3-a-gallon gas is ‘what’s best’ for us, but I’m sure you can clear it up. You must have some kind of master plan, even if we don’t know what it is.
Wait a minute, I think I’ve figured it out. I see what you’re doing. If the working men can’t get to work because they can’t afford the gas, then you rich guys won’t have to pay them. Brilliant ‘ absolutely brilliant. A stroke of genius! I wonder why Clinton never thought of that.
But there’s one thing for sure, you’ll have to change the name of your ‘No Child Left Behind’ school program to ‘No Child Left Behind Except For Those On The Bus That Ran Out Of Gas.’
Give Condoleezza my condolences. I heard that Chevron had to sell the ship they named after her. Chevron only made $4 billion since the first of the year, while Exxon made over $9 billion. Yeah, profits are down at Chevron. But I’m sure a few more tax breaks like you gave them, and of course the subsidies they’re getting will pull them out of their depression. Keep an eye on them, George. I’m a little concerned about them. If things don’t improve, they may have to go into therapy.
Well, George, the sun is coming out. I think I’ll go find a few mushrooms.
You keep lying, and I’ll keep swearing to it.
Your pal,