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We hope to, er, We will spoil SC’s return to hardwood

For the first time during my tenure here, I was able to follow every game played by one of our local teams during the recent girls basketball state tournament.
The South Central Lady Rebels advanced to the Class 1A state final last month and wound up falling in a heart-breaker to Lafayette Central Catholic.
Being around the Lady Rebels that much and helping the girls kick off the trip to Indianapolis with an awesome pep session was something I’ll always treasure.
Next Wednesday night, I’ll get to go from covering the girls, to ‘covering the girls.’
Let me explain.
The Lady Rebels will battle the South Central All-Stars ‘ a team made up of SCHS faculty as well as yours truly ‘ in a charity basketball game on April 19 at 7:30 p.m. It’s a fund-raiser for the American Cancer Society.
There will also be free throw and 3-point shooting contests.
Admission is only $3 and all proceeds go to charity.
I was approached about playing in the game a few weeks ago, and committed with the lone stipulation that there be ample oxygen available on the sidelines.
Future teammate and South Central principal Jim Crisp asked for the same thing, so at least I’m not alone in my (un)fitness.
Once the logistics were figured out ‘ and the Indiana High School Athletic Association was quizzed about the legality of such a venture ‘ the game was on.
And so was the trash talking.
The first Lady Rebel I started in on was South’s super sophomore, Brittany Schoen.
Her reply to my take that we were going to rain threes on their return to the hardwood: ‘There is no way all of you OLD MEN can get up and down the floor with us! Maybe the first minute but after that you all will be done!!!’
I’ll agree with at least part of that retort. Us old guys probably can’t match those spry legs of the Lady Rebels, but that’s where our wisdom will come through.
Old age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.
The three seniors ‘ Sarah Pease, Jenna Kingsley and Valerie Burnette ‘ will undoubtedly play, but they’ll receive more schooling next Wednesday than they’ve had in 12 years of education in the South Harrison School Corp.
We’ll prove why we are the teachers and they are the students!
Due to IHSAA rules, only three underclassmen are allowed to take part. Pease believes those three spots are going to be filled by the remainder of the starters ‘ Schoen, Karen Deaton and Kaela Orwick ‘ but it could be Bird, Jordan and Kobe for all I care, because we’re still going to win.
Unlike some of South’s foes, we know every single one of their plays because we’ve seen them run over and over and over. They’ve not seen any of the tricks we have up our sleeves.
I’m not going to feel the least bit sad that South Central will unofficially end the season with two straight losses. In fact, it’ll be a nice feather in my cap.
The way I figure it, the only hope the Lady Rebels have of beating us is if we stop off at a buffet (entirely possible) on the way to the game and don’t show up.
I’m so confident that us ‘old guys’ are going to win that if we don’t, I’ll slap this column between two slices of bread and take a big ol’ healthy bite.
I’ll go one step further: if we lose by more than 10 points, I’ll go bald just like the game’s play-by-play man, Chris Stoner of AM-1550 WOCC. Anyone who wants to take control of the clippers can do so for a donation to the American Cancer Society.
I love those Lady Rebels, but I love my hair even more, so … sorry girls. You are going down!