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Gimme, gimme more sports

Three months ago, the only professional sporting events I was able to watch were those that could be received by rabbit ears, or if I happened to be out at a restaurant with cable or satellite dish access.
I know, I know.
That’s about like a NASCAR driver wheeling around a track in a rusty, old jalopy or a writer using a quill and scroll to pen his latest works.
How in the world could someone who loves sports so much not have cable or a dish?
To quote a song by country superstar Brad Paisley, ‘The cable don’t come out this far, and I never watch TV.’
Well…I do watch television, so that part doesn’t pertain to me.
I always got my fill of sports via the Internet or the newspaper or the radio, so getting cable or satellite wasn’t high on my list of priorities.
That was before my dear wife, Alecia, oh-so-gently twisted my arm and convinced me that we needed satellite service.
‘I can watch my shows and you can watch your sports,’ she told me, batting her deep, blue eyes.
She knows me too well.
We finally joined the digital age two months ago, signing on with Dish Network via Byrne Satellite Service.
Gary Byrne climbed into our brutally-hot attic and wired a couple of televisions to the dish. In no time, we were on the air.
The zillion channels we receive (versus the six or seven we could pick up with rabbit ears) aren’t necessarily the problem.
The DVR (Digital Video Recorder) however, is the devil.
As someone who loves outdoor activity, the DVR has turned me into mashed mush.
With a couple of clicks of the remote, we can do a search for any show and on the screen will appear start times and dates those shows will run.
Punch the ‘record’ button and BAM! You are done. You can go do whatever and watch your show later. If you’ve set the DVR to only record new shows, it’ll take care of that for you. If you’ve set it to record weekly, it’ll stand on the ready like a soldier.
It’s like a VCR on steroids.
These days, no matter what sporting event is on, or going to be on, I’m probably DVR-ing it.
I’ve found that the typical football game ‘ which lasts over three hours ‘ can be watched in less than hour if you fast-forward through all of the down time between plays.
The same thing holds true for a NASCAR race. Instead of watching the race live, I’ll spend time with the family and come back later and watch the event at four times the normal speed. If something interesting happens, I’ll check it out at the regular pace.
I’m even watching games and sports for which I have no interest. It’s like I’m a human version of Johnny Five from the Short Circuit movie: I need more input.
The only sport I haven’t seen is cricket, but that’s because it was on a pay-per-view and I didn’t want to shell out $50 for coverage.
I’d like to thank my daughter, Marcie, who filled in for me a few weeks ago. She made a couple of wise predictions that some folks may have questioned: Marcie said Corydon’s football team would get at least one win, that North Harrison’s football team was for real, and she said Tony Stewart would win the NEXTEL Cup championship.
Corydon got its only win of the season in the finale against Charlestown, North advanced to the sectional final and Stewart is a stereo-typical solid run away from his second championship.
The kid is wise beyond her years.