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Mars Spirit Rover finds bin Laden

After the spacecraft carrying the Spirit Rover landed on Mars last week, the Associated Press reported that rocks were found. Some rocks were tiny. Some, incredibly, were inches across. However, this important discovery was buried by news media after the rover transmitted video footage of Osama bin Laden.
The video sent back to Earth from Mars was first aired on the high-profile, independent Arab news source Al Jazeera. It appeared to reveal the terrorist mastermind and several of his high-ranking aides.
CIA analysts currently are trying to determine how recently the video was filmed, and if the figure in the video actually is bin Laden.
The intelligence community is facing heavy criticism as civilian consultants have argued that bin Laden was clearly never in Afghanistan, but, in fact, on Mars this entire time.
Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said bin Laden’s terrorist network was apparently even better funded than he and Pentagon experts originally thought.
President Bush is currently assembling a coalition of Special Ops and CIA astronauts, including the world’s best deep-core driller, to ‘bring bin Laden to justice, or bring justice to bin Laden.’
France objected strongly, saying such a move would violate the Red Planet’s neutrality. (The rover verified two days earlier that the closest planet to Earth is, in fact, just as red as it appears through telescopes.)
Meanwhile, at mission control back on Earth, it was business as usual. There was some discussion as to whether the rover should search for evidence of Amazon women. After collating data from Louisville’s Wild and Woolly Video, it was determined that Amazon women only live on the moon.
The rover discovered another startling difference between the two celestial bodies, and that was in composition.
Moon: made of cheese. Mars: Mars bars. And rocks. Some tiny. Some, incredibly, inches across.
Aside from its strategic importance, scientists said the latest journey to Mars was significant because of its contribution to mankind’s understanding of Erector sets.
Meanwhile, N’ Sync’s Lance Bass has announced his interest in landing the first privately owned rover on Mars.
The Spirit Rover began its next phase, ‘standing up,’ on Sunday. Scientists were very excited about this phase of deployment because the rover must stand before actual roving can commence.
The rover was 90 percent standing when it yawned and sat back down. The rover was asleep at press time, but scientists plan to rouse it soon.