Posted on

We killed them good and showed them bad

‘Just Saddam’s good ol’ boys, never meanin’ no harm. Beats all you’ve ever saw. Been in trouble with Bush since the day they was born.’
When the law came for the Duke of Baghdad and his brother, The Butcher, Uday and Qusay Hussein decided to test their luck against tanks, fighter jets with teeth painted on them, and some 200 Marines with Polaroids, the Pentagon said.
Obviously, tear gas had to be ruled out.
A few hours later, what was left of the much reviled sons of Saddam was recovered. Tank shells had rained down on their mansion hideaway, a dozen heatseakers blasted into and inside the building, and each Hussein had been the backstop for more than 20 bullets.
U.S. military morticians and forensic pathologists reported no evidence of suicide. It’s amazing what can be revealed through modern forensic science.
The odd skeptic might argue that the force used was excessive, but obviously that’s not the case. These were the worst kinds of villains, and, as everyone knows, it takes at least two dozen bullets to bring down the really, really bad guys.
Besides, the usual rules don’t apply when hunting those nice Hussein boys.
Uday was a psychopath who tortured people in the basement of the Iraqi Olympic Committee. Unlike his daddy, he didn’t use violence to accomplish his goals. Violence and suffering were his goals.
Qusay was more restrained. He was pulling the strings of the family’s authoritarian dictatorship business. Atrocities were policy, not personal.
Had they been taken alive, they would’ve corroborated that ridiculous tale about there not being any weapons of mass destruction. What good does that do anyone?
After picking up the pieces of the Husseins, and before selling Uday on eBay, the United States decided it was important to convince Iraqis that the wayward Husseins were really dead.
There were two ways to do this. The reasonable way: release information which convinced the military these were the right guys. And, the American way: take pictures and film of the bodies and show them everywhere.
Because it’s hard staying on top as the most insensitive modern country in the world, we have to raise the bar occasionally, so, showing the dead sons of our enemy on TV was probably the way to go. Iraq gave us the basic idea, but we really built on it through American innovation.
Yeah, sure, we complained when Arab TV showed footage of POWs and dead Americans, but this was different. This was their so-called ‘president’s’ sons.
Some commie somewhere might compare the move to showing Jenna and Barbara on a slab if roles were reversed, but underage drinking hardly vilifies anyone enough to legitimize such a move. Besides, they’re girls. See if we fire a single shot at Saddam’s daughters.
Of course, with Saddam enjoying tea and crumpets in England since spring (or so one widely believed Iraqi conspiracy theory goes), it’s hard to convince some of them that Uday and Qusay are really dead.
In fact, the video gave birth to new rumors that the whole affair was part of a secret relocation program devised by the United States to get the sons out safely.
Maybe the lesson to be learned here is that the United States is criticized no matter what it does. Or maybe the lesson is that really bad guys shouldn’t be shown respect, but should instead be shown dead on TV.
Uday and Qusay are dead, so they probably won’t care. If that’s the case, I wonder who really suffers from our lack of sensitivity? Someone does, and maybe the lesson is in there somewhere. Hmm.
Or maybe the Internet publication ‘The Onion’ says it all: ‘My heart goes out to Saddam. I can’t imagine what it’s like to lose even one, much less two evil henchmen.’