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Bringing up the rear, it’s the nice guy

Here is some advice for all the guys walking the straight and narrow: quit walking. You’re just going to finish last again. What’s with you nice guys?
Perhaps one day you’ll finish first, but you could save your emotions a lot of trampling now by saying “No more” to Mr. Niceguy.
That won’t happen though, because you’re too nice.
The Elephant Man’s mother was trampled – by elephants no less – while carrying him in her womb, and look what happened to him. I’m not sure what significance that holds for nice guys, but there’s a metaphor in there somewhere involving emotions that look like the Elephant Man.
Being nice today is like wearing a mullet and parachute pants.
Nice is out. The “mean people suck” T-shirt has been replaced by the “I do bad things” T-shirt. Go to the mall and see for yourself. “Peace” and “No Nukes” logos have given way to insolent phrases like “I see dumb people looking at my shirt.” I would like to see the smart guy who spends $20 buying that $2 iron-on decal and $5 shirt.
Women see nice as synonymous with boring. And both sexes mistake niceness for weakness. Nice guys, well, they’re just too nice to set the record straight.
How do nice guys finish last?
Well, for one, people take advantage of them. The trustworthy person tends to anticipate honesty in others. When the guy at the car lot says that 25,000 is the actual mileage on that 1972 Torino, the nice guy thinks, “Why would anyone lie about that?”
Also, people try to intimidate nice guys. They do it with threatening body language or by putting some kind of ostentatious title on their argumentative e-mail.
Are you with me so far? If not, remember what Clark Kent put up with.
Moving along, nice guys frequently get crummy service. The not-so-nice guys complain loudly and monopolize the time of the server while the nice guy decides he is “never coming back” to the establishment. Of course, nice guys forgive – they don’t hold grudges long, and they come back.
In no category do nice guys get shafted more often than with the ladies. I think there is even a Psalm about it.
Who are these nice guys?
While no one good or bad thing – other than perhaps sainthood or premeditated murder – is likely to land you in the category of nice guy or bad guy, there are some rough guidelines.
I’m an ensign in the ranks of nice guys because I believe: “Uh huh” is an inappropriate response to “Thank you;” cheating to win isn’t really winning; going to any expense to help a friend is a given; when something is illegal, that’s a good enough reason not to do it; and substance abuse is the one stupid way you can entertain yourself with no effort or personal growth, and therefore it’s foolish.
The fact that nice guys don’t smoke a bowl at the least appropriate moment and don’t steal for cheap thrills has given rise to the belief that people who are nice lack spontaneity. Yes, you can expect that a nice guy will NOT do something careless, illegal or hurtful at any given time. Does that sound dull and monotonous?
Acts of kindness take me by surprise, and I find that kind people just keep on surprising you.
Everything seems to run in cycles. Maybe when nice guys become a rare commodity, they’ll be fashionable once again.